This Place Has Everything

“The most happening spot in the whole solar system is this hip young planet called ‘EARTH’. This place has everything. Nitrogen-rich atmosphere, a magnetosphere, plate tectonics, a sun. Dance the night away as the planetary rotation spins you around in twenty-four hours. If you’re feeling thirsty, partake of the liquid water covering 70% of the surface. And be on the lookout for this amazing new thing called ’life.’”

“Oh, what’s that? A new dance?”

“Nooooononononono. ‘Life’ is when carbon and other inert molecules self-organize and start caring about things like ‘purpose’ and ’low-interest mortgages.’”

(… with every apology to Bill Hader and John Mulaney).